White and Puffy

RU:
Ya beliy i pushistiy, no esli menya oblit' govnom, podergat' za sherst' i dat' etomu vsemu podsohnut', to ya budu zelenim i koliychim.

EN:
I am white and puffy. But should you pour shit on me, pull my hair in spikes and let it all dry out, I will be green and prickly.