White and Puffy

RU:
Ya beliy i pushistiy, no esli menya oblit' govnom, podergat' za sherst' i dat' etomu vsemu podsohnut', to ya budu zelenim i koliychim.

EN:
I am white and puffy. But should you pour shit on me, pull my hair in spikes and let it all dry out, I will be green and prickly.

Emergency Chocolate

This is a front image of real chocolate box. The label at the bottom says:


For immediate relieve of: Chocolate Cravings, Lovesickness, Exam Pressure, Mild Anxiety and Extreme Hunger.
Directions for use: Tear open wrapper, break off desired dosage and consume. Alternatively massage into the affected area. Repeat dosage as required until finished. If symptoms persist consult your local confectioner.